Frustrations and Joys (Mostly Joys)

So to catch you up - last week at the gastroentologist Adam was, for lack of a better word, kind of interviewed as far as his spitting up, throwing up, chronic cough has been going for the last 3 months. She suggested a second dose of nexium per day, 15-30 minutes before eating. We started that last Friday, and so far we have noticed a slight improvement, but not enough of one for me to consider it a success.

I was slightly annoyed with the gastroentologist because she seemed to immediately write me off as an overly concerned mother who can't stand a little spit up. I think the exact words were, "well, babies do spit up."

Um, no shit? Really? Is spitting up so much that you have to be changed 4 times a day normal? Is throwing up 3-4 times a week something that every parent deals with? No. Didn't think so.

She also said it was probably nothing and that they really only get concerned when babies stop developing or stop growing. Now, I realize that this is true, but she has literally only talked to me for about 5 minutes and hasn't even examined him yet. He is advanced for his age, so any "stop" developing at this point would not appear to be an issue to anyone but Shannon and me. He is big for his age, so any "lack of growth" would be ignored because he would STILL be considered larger than most babies his age. In my opinion: a baby spits up, a baby throws up, a baby coughs chronically. It's a problem. Try to fix it. End of story.

I realize that he most likely has something that he'll need to grow out of or that they won't be able to "cure" - but I'd like to know that it's not worse than that, or something serious, and I'd like to at least give it a shot. And I'd like a doctor who wants to do the same thing. Maybe she was trying to comfort me. Really she just pissed me off.

When she did examine him he thought it was hilarious because he's ticklish on every inch of his body and loves it. And since starting the Nexium, I don't know if this is a coincidence or a result of him feeling better, but he has just developmentally EXPLODED in the last week. He giggles a lot now and truly just enjoys being awake. He pets Caley, and pulls on her ears (and since she thinks she's starved for attention, she licks him on the face to tell him it's okay). He pets the cats (gently - I don't know how he knows). He is getting closer and closer to sitting up on his own.

He gets in his walker and on the tile can intentionally walk/run to you. He puts his hands in the air, runs/bounces right at you, squealing the entire time. When he gets there he grabs your pant leg and talks. I tell him I like his pants too. It is literally the most adorable thing I have ever seen and need to get video of it.

He can search for and insert his pacifier with ease now, can roll over from back to tummy, tummy to back, and then back over again in a bee-line for "red block," the notorious toy for which he has developed a love/hate relationship. Sometimes I think the block just doesn't play nice and it makes Adam very frustrated, so he throws it down (then desperately tries to grab it again). He still loves to give big wet kisses every night after daycare.

A week ago if you tried to make Adam sleep on his stomach he would tell you that you must have lost your mind. Now he prefers to sleep on his stomach and will flip over nearly immediately and sleep soundly. He has dropped his late night (well, 9:00 feeding) most nights and then almost immediately dropped his 4/5am feeding also, sleeping until about 7 or 7:30. IT IS WONDERFUL. I hope it lasts.

He has gone through all the vegetables and loved them, and on Sunday tried some apples for the first time. So far, not his favorite. He'll eat it willingly, make a face, shiver all over, and then open his mouth for more. Silly boy.

And now, for the finale, this morning he said that formula just isn't interesting enough anymore and has opted for cereal or anything else I could give him. He had (not exagerrating) a bowl and a half of rice cereal with mixed fruit in it, half a jar of apples, 1 ounce of milk and a couple of ounces of water for breakfast this morning. If he continues as he normally does, we'll add about 24 more ounces of formula throughout the day, a jar of squash at lunch, and a jar and a half of baby food for dinner. Count it: 32 ounces of formula (and with each bottle(5-6), one scoop of rice), bowl and a half of cereal, 3 jars of baby food. All of that, and he'll be 6 months old in a little less than 2 weeks.

(Shannon and I are actually very excited about the three baby food feedings a day - because of his acid reflux he actually does better on baby food and cereal than he does on formula. And yes, we are working with our doctor to make sure he is getting the appropriate nutrition in the correct ways - everything we have done has been at her suggestion).

I look the picture above and am just amazed... When did this happen? I know I was paying attention... but all of a sudden I realize I have a little guy who can sit up and feed himself.

Pediatric Gastroentologist

Let's add another specialist to our list for this year.

After an OB-GYN Specialist, a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon, and an Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist, we're adding a Pediatric Gastroentologist Thursday morning.

This is just the first visit, but we imagine Adam will need to have an upper GI shortly after. The internet has at least given us some hints at what to expect, and our best lead now is Gastroesophageal Reflux (GER), as Adam has most of the symptoms (luckily, not all):

Clues that your baby suffers from GER enough to need treatment are:


* Frequent spitting up or vomiting (not all babies with GER spit up) (CHECK)
* Baby isn't outgrowing the "colic" and/or spitting up (CHECK)
* Frequent blasts of crying that are painful cries, not just baby cries (NOT AS MUCH ANYMORE)
* Your gut feeling tells you that your baby "hurts somewhere" (NOT AS MUCH ANYMORE)
* Bursts of nightwaking "as if in pain" (I was thinking that might be bad dreams)
* Colicky, abdominal pain after eating, even as long as one hour afterwards  (NOT USUALLY)
* Poor sleep habits, restless (CHECK)
* Withing as if in pain: drawing up legs, arching back (CHECK)
* Erratic feeding patterns. Refuses to feed or wants to breast or bottlefeed all the time. (CHECK)
* Frequent "wet burps" or "wet hiccups" (CHECK)
* Throaty noises: swallowing noises, choking, gagging (CHECK)
* Frequent, unexplained colds, wheezing, and chest infections (CHECK)
* Stop-breathing episodes (CHECK - although they aren't as bad as I've heard they could be)
* Excessive drooling (CHECK)
* Spits up like a "volcano" (CHECK)
Needless to say, while Adam is doing better, he is still not doing as well as he should while on Nexium and Hypoallergenic formula. He is losing his appetite, spits up constantly, and throws up when he's on his stomach, which I'm afraid will delay his development if it goes on for much longer. While he has great head control, strong arms, srong legs, and abs of steel, he has quit rolling over from his stomach to his back. I can't leave him on his stomach long enough to get him to learn, because he'll throw up.

So you can imagine the amount of laundry being done at our house - especially when you place Adam on his back to play on the little farm animal play yard, turn your back for 10 seconds, and turn around to a baby who's flipped onto his stomach, thrown up, and now smilling at you, waiting for you to flip him back over (he can, and I've seen him do it before, but I think he's uncomfortable in that position). But he can't resist going to his stomach in the first place because he's desperate to crawl already.

Luckily, if he does have this, it apparently isn't so bad that it's causing him excessive pain or issues with growth (obviously). Unfortunately, if he does have this, I'm not sure that this is much more we can do to help him that we aren't doing already.

Today I'm taking him back to the chiropractor. I don't know what, if anything, they could do to help, but they helped us before when I didn't expect it, so I'm willing to give it a try now too.

20 Things that are Different. 7 Things the Same.

How my life has changed in the last 6 months (in no particular order):

1. The washer and dryer run every two days (instead of every two, sometimes three, weeks).
2. Our money goes to baby stuff more often than alcohol or home improvement.
3. I can't resist buying cute little baby clothes.
4. I'm much more aware of the amount of pet hair that infests the house.
5. I spend more time wondering what Adam will eat than I what I will.
6. 30 minutes of "free" time is like gold.
7. I can't sleep past 9:30am on the weekends (even when Shannon has everything under control).
8. Instead of looking forward to the end of the workday so I can have a beer, go to happy hour, or go home to watch TV, I look forward to picking up Adam and feeding him dinner.
9. Our DVR is full of unwatched shows.
10. Shannon and I resolve our differences much more quickly. There's no time for grudges.
11. I don't mind being thrown up on, pooped on, or getting slobbery kisses as much as I thought I would. (I would say as much as I used to mind it, but that would be weird)
12. The weekends are shorter.
13. Hangovers really are NOT WORTH IT.
14. I've been in a doctor's office more times than I can count.
15. I see my parents and sister much more often, and appreciate them so much more. (and miss my brother even more).
16. I see my friends less and cherish every second I get with them even more.
17. I have much more interesting things to talk about, but other people probably do not find those things as interesting as I do.

18. I take more pictures than I ever have before  - and hardly any of them are of myself.
19. I'm much more organized than I ever was before.
20. I love someone more than I love myself.

Things that are the same:

1. I do not define myself as "a mom".
2. The cats still beg for my attention.
3. Work is busy.
4. Money is tight.
5. My friends and family are awesome.
6. I love my husband.
7. My husband loves me.

Dear Little Guy

Dear Little Guy,

Because you were hungry at 4 am this morning, I crawled out of bed to change you and feed you.

I overslept this morning because you were sleeping well. I showered, and dressed, and came into your room, where you smiled because you saw me.

I put you in the cutest little outfit, thinking optimistically that you might be able to wear it for more than an hour without spitting up. I held you while you ate.

I picked you up and you spit up a little - on me, on yourself. It wasn't much. I washed you off to let it dry.

I made your bottles, I washed your face.

I picked you up. You spit up a little. I cleaned you off.

I packed your bags, I grabbed my purse. I locked up Caley. Caley came out the second door, which I had left open. I locked up Caley for real this time.

I took you to the car, put the bags on the floorboard. You spit up.

I took you inside and cleaned you off. I washed your face. I put you in your carseat and we backed out of the driveway.

I had forgotten to write your name on your bottles for daycare. I turned around and ran inside to grab a marker and tape. We were off again.

The low fuel sensor beeped at us just before we pulled in to daycare. I parked and labeled your bottles. I opened your door and you were already smiling at me.

I dropped you off, you watched me go. I wanted to take you with me.

I stopped for gas and had to make awkward small-talk with the creey guy behind the counter. I picked the broken pump, so I stood there and pumped it by holding the handle just right. I got to work an hour and a half later than I should have. I've been paying for it since.

But it's all worth it because you smiled at me today.

You forget why you complain sometimes.

So Adam was five months on October 5, and while it wasn't scheduled, he had another doctor's appointment. But let's start from the beginning...

Shannon and I had our two year anniversary on October 3, which was a Sunday. Only two years; however we've known each other for more than nine and a half, so it seems silly to start counting so late in the game. But nevermind that. It was fun to celebrate with each other, as we have in so many ways before - but this time with a child, a house, a new truck, a whole lot of debt . . . and after being married two years! To celebrate, we took Adam to a pumpkin patch in Flower Mound, but stopping first at Mama's Daughter's Diner for lunch. Adam is never fussy (well, rarely fussy), but he wasn't really "feeling it" that afternoon while I took a few pictures.

Daddy's got me!

That night my parents watched him while we went to an early showing of The Social Network (liked), and had margaritas and appetizers at Luna de Noche afterwards. We had a great time and we got back to my parent's house around 10:30 (I know, we're super partiers now).

Yeah, we look tired. What about it??

When we got Adam back home at midnight, he was throwing up. On top of the bronchitis, colds, and what they say is either allergies or acid reflux, Adam has been a spit up machine. He was already on Soy formula and Prevacid. But he caught a bug and threw up the whole day Sunday. On Monday, both Shannon and I had caught it and we were both miserable. Adam had no appetite and slept alot, and then he seemed okay Tuesday - back to his old self. Wednesday. Vomiting. They called me from daycare and I picked him up and took him to the pediatrician.

It's hard to be sitting in a doctor's office (again) with this little darling boy, who was smiling and engaging so much that she called him a little genius because of his advanced social skills. He's five months old and has the social skills of an eight month old. But I had to explain the following:

For this smiley little boy:
- The prevacid isn't working.
- He spits up after ever meal, even two hours later.
- He even spits up the baby food.
- He still has the bad congestion.
- He still has that awful cough.
- He had a stomach bug.
- (oh, he has a new cold now, too)
- He is still throwing up. Every meal.
- He has six or seven dirty diapers a day.

I failed to mention the teething, which gave him such a bad diaper rash that with his sensitive skin that I'm afraid it actually scarred his skin. So she gave me the vials to collect a stool sample (to test for parasite, UGH), gave us samples for hypoallergenic formula, and wrote a prescription for nexium. I worked from home the rest of the day Wednesday, Thursday, and the morning on Friday. He threw up the entire time.

Friday morning, Adam woke up at 4 am, and I looked at Shannon and said, "I just can't do it." Shannon got up, fed him, and then got in the shower and went to work at 5:30 am because he'd been taking off early to relieve me since I wasn't getting as much done as I needed to working from home. At 5:45 Adam was crying again. I went in to get him and he was on his stomach, face down in vomit. He smiled at me when I picked him up. (TALK ABOUT HEART-BREAKING!) He had a dirty diaper. I cleaned him up, changed his diaper, and at 5:45 when I was hoping to be back in bed, was busy collecting a stool sample. He acted like he was feeling better around 9:30, so I fed him and watched for a while to see if he would keep it down, and he did. So I took him to daycare and went to work.

I picked him up from daycare at 4:30 pm thinking that he was probably doing better since they hadn't called me - but he was wearing their "loaner" pajamas because he'd thrown up twice. When we got home I switched him to the hypoallergenic formula. He did well. I thought, "well maybe he's allergic to just the soy, not milk-based formula." So I gave him some "gentle" formula Saturday evening. He threw up. I've got my answer.

But I ask you. Seriously. Would you be upset, depressed, or at all at the end of your rope if you were looking at this face every day?

 So he's developed into his own little person, and I have seen so many similarities between him and Shannon and him and I... he likes to do things by himself and he gets frustrated when he can't. He willingly tries to hold his own bottle at every feeding, and will even do it at 5 am when you're changing his diaper at the same time. He comes home from day care and "stands" in our lap, grabs our faces and gives us big kisses. He likes to look at things upside down, which my mom says I did when I was little. He loves squash, he loves sweet potatoes, he LOVES carrots, loves green beans . . . so he's not picky - and neither Shannon nor I are. And I think I've decided who he looks like, but it's hard to tell sometimes. Just look:

ERIN VS. ADAM

 

SHANNON VS. ADAM

I'm tired, for sure. But here I am at 11 pm on a Monday night bragging about how awesome he is. I love picking him up from daycare, where he sees me, smiles really big and kicks his feet. I love that he is who he is. He is everything and more than I could have possibly wanted. I don't even want to scar those thoughts with worries that there is something very serious going on with his health.

Oh, and both my fantasy football teams are 5-0. One team is good, the other really isn't that great. And I usually suck BAD at fantasy football. It's my third year, the golden year... and I have a really good luck charm this time around.

 

First Day Back

Well, my intentions to write much more often failed, apparently. But it's October 1, the beginning of a new month -- and we can always start new habits.

Today Adam went back to daycare for the first time in 5 and 1/2 weeks. I think he missed them and was happy to be there. He has changed so much in that time, and they were all amazed at how BIG he got. 3-6 month clothes back then - now he only fits in 9 month clothes and the occassional freak-of-nature large 6 month outfit. Now, he's teething BIG TIME, but the teeth aren't in the front, they are on both sides, top and bottom, and he's got the jaw strength of an alligator. I call him a little vampire because you have to be careful what you do with your limbs and digits because he'll grab them and stick them right where he thinks they belong - in his mouth.

When he was last at daycare his diet was primarily breastmilk (now it consists of zero breastmilk). His appetite, the stress, and the fact that I was naturally a low-milk-producer finally caught up with me. I made it 4 1/2 months, which is not as long as I had hoped but probably longer than it might have lasted had I not devoted every waking moment to trying to make it work (which, come to think of it, may have added to the stress a little bit). I had a tough time, a VERY tough time, quitting, but only emotionally. Physically it took 2 days to be done with it. Now I feel a little bit of relief mixed with the guilt, but the ratio edges a little more in my favor every day. I just keep reminding myself that now I actually can go shopping or take a "real" nap and not have to be back at a certain time - and even though formula is expensive, it's so much easier to watch the uneaten remains of a bottle of formula go down the drain.

Now his diet consists of 30 oz of soy formula, 4-6 oz of diluted juice (so far he's had pear juice and white grape juice), a tablespoon of oatmeal (sometimes with bananas) for breakfast, and a jar of baby food for dinner every day. In the last month he's had rice cereal, oatmeal, oatmeal with bananas, squash, sweet potatoes, and carrots. He can now hold the bottle by himself for a full feeding (if he's in the right position, which is in a half recline or lying down), and he can hold and drink from a sippy cup too (lying down). He eats from the spoon like a champ and will be 5 months old next Tuesday.

Honestly, I'm not pushing the growing up or the "real food" thing at all. I am desperately trying to soak in my little baby while he IS a little baby, but he's not giving me much time. A couple of weeks ago our pediatrician recommended we start more variety when Adam started refusing his bottle - this is in the midst of a flare up of coughing, congestion, and vomiting after the bronchitis was showing signs of going away - she said that he may just be ready for something new and that the constant diet of formula might be making the conjestion worse. She was right. He loves all the vegetables we've given him and has shown a couple of times that he's less than impressed with the oatmeal, which he doesn't really like but will do it just because he doesn't think there is another option.

I worked from home for about 3 weeks in the month of September, which is probably the most exhausting thing I've ever done - work, take conference calls, and care full time for a sick baby. After that he had a variety of care - Shannon stayed home one day, Aunt Brandi came with his cousins Krysta and Caden for three days, he spent a day at Mother's Day Out at the Methodist Church, he spent a day at "Aunt" Lily's house, one day shopping with me on my day off, two days with "Aunt" Val at our house, and one day at my parent's house (Mayme and Grandad - although my mom is still calling my dad "Grandpa"). WHEW.

He is still not very close to sitting up on his own, but I think being back at daycare may get him there faster. He's much further along standing in his walker than he is sitting up - although he does fine in the Bumpo. He's even shown signs of wanting to crawl. He reaches for all of his toys and puts them straight in his mouth. He rolls over from his back to his stomach ALL. THE. TIME. But he still has trouble getting the knack of going back the other way (I think it's because he spent such little time on his tummy when he had the harness on).



Looking in the mirror "Who's THAT awesome guy?"

He'll roll over to get closer to his sippy cup and reaches for it but doesn't really know how to drink it on his tummy (and since he usually doesn't flip back over, he just stares at it, a little forlorn). He LOVES the color red and is mesmerized by it - whatever it is - he wants to have it, like NOW, and stuff it in his mouth . . . but it never does what he wants and he gets mad at it (whatever it is), yells and shakes it or throws it. We've joked that he's a Taurus, the sign of the Bull, and like the bull, the color red gets him all riled up. Just try drinking a coke in front of him and see if you can get him to look away from you.

He's such a great kid - last weekend we went to OK City to visit Brandi and family for Caden's first birthday party - in one day he survived a 3 hour trip there, tons of family passing him around, an hour long 8 year-old soccer game in the sun, more passing around, very little nap, and a 3 hour long drive back . . . and he even smiled and talked to us patiently when we stopped for dinner at Applebee's on the way home. He gives big wet kisses when he sees me or my mom, and he giggles and laughs constantly. Last night I put him in his crib and he rolled on his side and stroked the bumper with his fingers for a while -- but with all the chaos, the teething, and now a raging case of diaper rash (which he is handling quite well actually for the severity of it), he's had a little trouble getting to sleep the last two nights. Poor baby.

Shannon and I's 2 year wedding anniversary is on Sunday. With all the hectic things going on, we almost forgot that it was coming up until about a few days ago. We'll probably go to dinner and see a movie, probably won't exchange gifts (um, dude, babies are EXPENSIVE) - but to be honest, what I really, really want is a NAP and someone to take my car to be inspected.

I got so old, so fast.