What do you mean, your kid is "sensory"?

When I ask my parents about parenting, I am always given sound, un-shakeable advice. "Kids are kids, this is all normal, you are doing an amazing job." I agree with them whole-heartedly. I realize (mostly because of social media) that my kids are not the same as all kids... in some ways they are advantaged, and in some ways they face different challenges.. LIKE ALL KIDS. I have 3 children with sensory processing disorder. I often hide that because I feel like while it's absolutely something that is very important, I know that it's not often recognized or respected.


I then remember, when I ask for advice, my parents raised three kids who were all sensory back when "raising a sensory kid" was called "raising a kid." When it was common to send your kids out to play with their friends and to not worry so much IF they would come home, but to tell them WHEN to come home. When riding your bike for hours or playing hide and seek and kick-the-can were just simply what you did. (It's a scarier world now, completely). Back then parents weren't riddled with guilt to let their kids go play in their room and say, "if you're going to kill each other, DO IT OUTSIDE" -- it wasn't a stigma, riddling a person with guilt. Back when one parent more often than not was at home completely managing a home, doing girl scouts and crafts and the like. But this isn't about that, because clearly the world is different now. Parents are just as good but doing things differently based on our environment. This is about "sensory kids."


I am a part of a group for Sensory Processing Disorder Parent Support. It is not specific to a certain kind of SPD or limited to only sensory processing. Many times kids have both SPD and ADD/ADHD. Sensory Processing is also very common with Autistic children. There are lots of combinations. But my kids are bright, developed normally and often more quickly, and are "sensory." I do not by any means think that they are more challenged than any other child and I am certain they face less challenges than many others. It would be offensive and completely incorrect to assume so.


But I do have a very unique situation in that I recognized the signs of sensory processing disorder early on. I have 3 who are all sensory, and they are also NOT autistic. There may be some ADHD thrown in there (maybe, it's not always easy to tell), and there are many days I am certain we are also submerged in ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), but overall I have very capable children (many days more capable than me), who have certain needs to address that do not make them "less than," but different. There are big words to describe the type of sensory they are, but I'm just going to explain what that means for our daily lives.


Since I will be going back to work primarily to help give them the ability to be in a structured school environment part time that is helping them, I have been thinking a lot about why for me it is so important that my 2 year olds and 4 year old stay in a structured Montessori that addresses their needs. It sounds very silly to some who have children who sit still, try hard to take instructions and are confident playing/learning on their own. I do not consider myself unequipped to teach my children... I feel like they are underwhelmed and get more from consistency and constant CORRECT stimulation and practice dealing with and learning how to cope with their challenges. Many kids, if not all, listen better to authority figures who are not their own parents. It's just the way it is. Not all children who are SPD are in that position and there are many who need much more specialized attention. And when I speak of Montessori helping them best, I was the eternal skeptic until a year ago -- we were in traditional, wonderful and expensive preschools, and it just, simply, didn't fit. Montessori does because it acknowledges the sensory and the respect for space, which my kids need for themselves and also really need to learn for others.


This is simply my attempt to record (mostly for myself, for future reference for them) why I use the term "sensory," and why they have been diagnosed that way when many people may shrug and say, "but they are so sweet and well behaved in public." I take great, great pride in that, and while that's not an easy task for any parent, there are many reasons it's a constant battle for us at home. We make giving them what they need a priority above anything else, for these reasons...


Adam, my oldest, is 4 now, almost 5, and it was clear to me early on.
As a baby he would happily hit his head against walls (sometimes he still does that with toys when he gets excited)

He always has "ants in the pants" and can never just sit.


Doing just one task at a time is difficult for him. The clock ticks, someone whispers in another room, a new sound appears which send him into a panic. Indoor swimming lessons was a big challenge and success for him... Not because he struggled to swim, but the lights, the sounds, the echos, the water, the hands, the distortion... His desire to flirt with the instructor or his classmate... but he did it, it was just a lot harder for him than the kid next to him, and he deserved ever praise for the work that he does.



He is athletic but he falls out of chairs and uses walls to "hold" himself up. It's as if he's constantly "checking" to see where he is in a space.



Foods have to be cut or prepared a certain way or he won't eat them (he's gotten better). They can't be too hot (anything above room temperature is "too hot") or two cold.... he'll suck down a popsicle on a summer day but mostly after it's melted all into his hands and feet. Ice cream is definitely not going to happen, or yogurt.

He is extremely sensitive to food dyes.



He struggles with volume control. Loud music can be playing and he whispers, but sits right next to you in a quiet room and can scream a sentence (good heartedly)



He bounces off the walls. There is no middle-ground, he's either extremely happy or splayed out on the floor agonizing in dismay.



ODD. Oppositional defiant disorder. He has every intention of helping, being a people pleaser, giving you everything he's got... but then it has to be a little bit different. That is a good thing, unless you're asking him to complete a task quickly or with complete accuracy. Mostly, in school, this is a red flag, but he never intends it that way. He can't help it. He'll answer no when he means yes... he'll answer the question incorrectly every time when he knew the right answer the first time.

Clothes can't be too big. He needs his belt, his specific toy, his specific jacket.


He has major anxiety to loud noises like ambulances, fireworks or fire alarms. He pushes through, with support. But in the 2-3 year old age his anxiety was so bad he couldn't leave a room without someone with him, and had nightmares every night if he wasn't with someone. It was never a "I'm scared," kind of thing, but a "this is terrible the whole house is about to catch fire," kind of thing.

He can't get enough physical touch. Has had to really learn and still sometimes forgets how to hug without being too rough, but could literally be snuggled up next to someone all day long, with no amount of pressure too much.

When he's sick or hurt, he just ramps up. Broken elbow? No problem. RSV AND bronchitis? No problem. Flu and 104 degree fever? No problem. In fact his cast on his elbow acted like "an achor." He was constantly grounded so he never in his life focused or thought more clearly. And he never complained of pain or being restricted. When he is sick you have to really pay attention or he could pass as completely healthy, because he himself just deals or doesn't even notice.

Often times he doesn't feel pain when most would, or if he feels it he has no idea where it comes from. He just knows it's uncomfortable and his whole body hurts.

Claire. two and a half.
There isn't one day that goes by that I forget Claire is sensory, but her list isn't quite as broad as Adam's.

Claire hates clothes. All clothes, but some are more tolerable than others. Socks are evil and should be burned. Shoes are only acceptable if they are soft. Her current shoes are pink converse that give her "powers." That's the only reason they are acceptable. Tonight she embraced some soccer cleats because they made her run really fast.

Long sleeves are bad. Tights/leggings are bad. Dresses are most preferred to flat out nudity but in a pinch she will settle for a t-shirt and shorts or this ONE pair of soft khakis or a well worn pair of black "work out" pants.

If she's having a rough sensory day (most days that are cold) she will scream, tug her clothes, say "ow" and rip her clothes off. She hides and cries when it's time to get dressed, she'll let you put on her shoes with the best of intentions and then will cry and pull them off and cover her eyes. Put on a long sleeve shirt and she'll push up the sleeves even in 20 degree weather, and not care a bit. Sometimes pants are pulled up to the knees.

Blankets have to be placed just so in bed. It can't be too heavy or too light, has to cover her toes perfectly and if it moves you have to start all over again. Or else she cry and fight and tantrum.

She has a very hard time falling asleep in her own bed and she usually has bad nightmares... Every night. They are finally getting a little better.

Claire likes all foods, even "adult" foods. She doesn't like a lot of candy or juice. She makes a face and says "no thanks."

She really isn't big on cuddling. She'll sit in your lap but doesn't especially liked to be touched, kissed repeatedly or squeezed. She will wrestle with her brothers but mostly because it keeps them from crushing her and since they prefer the heavy weight, they ask for her to squish them and she still maintains control.

She hates to have bands or clips in her hair. On one particularly bad day she screamed at her own hair because she was in the bath and it was wet and was touching her neck. Anyone have a hair band? "OH HELL NO." This wasn't a recent thing... she's been like this since birth.

But her maturity is so beyond her 2.5 years that she tries to cope on her own. When she has a bad day she tries to run it off. She'll do laps around the house or asks Adam to race her, which, of course, he will always do since he probably wasn't sitting still himself anyway. She's pretty good at using her words or removing herself from a situation. Exercise and movement is extremely important.

Colin. 2.5 years old.
Colin cannot get enough swinging, crashing, hitting, banging, or hanging upside down. He often carries around a hammer or a bat and says "I need to bam." We've finally started to make waves on not throwing heavy objects at people's faces.

Colin has to have things very specific to what he needs... But he's not extremely verbal yet (he's normal if not slightly advanced in speech for his age... He understands everything, he just doesn't put the words together yet to explain it.) he just DOES, and if he's told "no" or physically stopped he blacks out, goes limp, freaks out and turns violent. Part of the problem is that he's so quiet that it's often overlooked that he needs something until it's too late, and that's a parenting flaw on my part, not a flaw in him.

He hates his hair being combed and refuses to have his nails trimmed.

And when I thought Adam might be slightly ODD, God said, "yeah right, meet Colin." We had a very serious debate over whether a picture was an owl or a bat, and he refused to switch his argument (4 minutes of, "no, that's a bat"... "no, it's an owl,"... no, that's a bat."), knowing I was right the whole time. He thoroughly enjoys being ornery and obstinate, but hates being in trouble.

He loves to splash, kick, throw... And in group baths usually gets removed first because while he has no problem being splashed in the face, Claire and Adam can't handle it at all. And mom gets sick of begging him to stop making a huge dangerous mess.

Colin is fine playing by himself (the other two struggle with that) and is starting to learn how to play with Claire and Adam, but it quickly ends because there's always a plastic bat or weapon to be found, someone's puzzles to break apart and fling across the room, someone's picture to rip apart or a tower to knock over. He tries SO hard, but often the temptation is hard to resist or the fun is in the instigating. And there's always a kitty cat's tail that needs pulled.

On the other hand, his hands have to be clean. One night he couldn't sleep and begged me to clean his room so he could.

Is this hard?
Yeah, but they are all sensory. This is how life is. And I don't think they are crazy, because I am sensory.

I hated clothes as a child, and shoes. I often screamed and beat on my shin guards before soccer games. Not because that fixed them but because it made me feel better.

I can't stand when someone chews in my vicinity. Not chews "loudly," it's ALL loud to me.

Loud noises irk me. I'm constantly in my own little world to block out the constant screaming just for the sheer sake of the noise that Colin and Adam do.

I can't stand for my hands to be dirty... Mud, sand, glitter, sticky... No sir. I can't stand for people to touch my face (which challenges me daily because Adam doesn't always understand personal space very well).


I get cold easily. The kids were outside naked today in 70 degree sunny weather and I was in a hoodie, still cold.

I don't do chalk. The look of it, the feel of it, the sound it makes when someone is using it. The very act of typing it... Ugh. *shiver.*

My hair is in a ponytail because I think it looks better that way but also because I don't want it touching my neck.


The point is not that everyone is sensory. Every one is NOT sensory. Kids have quirks and are stubborn, but that doesn't mean that a "sensory" parent is just complaining. And it doesn't mean that a parent who has a sensory child is basically doomed, either. Colin can get dressed like a champ in whatever you put him in. Claire can eat any texture. Adam can be in a crowded room full of people and sort out the noises and make friends with anyone... he'll just NEVER get tired of it. And these kids are bright. Adam is 4 and can count to 100, read, and do 1st grade math. Claire is 2 and can count to 20 and put together sentences as complex as a 6 year old. Colin can BREAK or figure out any lock you put in front of him, and has wit like you've never seen. And they are all incredibly funny, intelligent and the lights of my lives. The best thing I ever did was find out that they are sensory and then address that. They have thrived on their probiotic (probio5). They all need some occupational therapy, which I think would really help, especially for Adam. But at the moment, financially, we are just focusing on learning as much about it, TRYING to be patient and then helping them learn how to cope with it, like my parent's did. OT is absolutely what they need because the good ones will teach you what to do at home. And honestly, that trampoline in our backyard and the fact that they NEED to run it off, ride bikes, wrestle until they are done, for 2-3 hours a day... is just showing me more and more how I dealt with it when I didn't know I was dealing with it.


After all, I'm a sensory adult... so I have learned to eat in a room with people who eat chips. I wear clothes, I have degrees and a professional job and intelligent kids. This isn't a life sentence... for MY kids, as long as I am able to help them learn how to cope. But sensory processing disorder is extremely real and is absolutely a factor in these kids lives, and some far more than others. All I know is that if I had ignored it I would have struggled far more and created far more stress than was necessary. And there are many people who can help, especially other parents who recognize the struggles and fight for their kids. I'm just doing the best I can and am absolutely certain I can do better.


If there are any parents who think their kids might need an evaluation, and you are in the DFW area, please check out It's a Sensory World. These people are amazing and it's non-profit. It's best to go out of your way rather than write them off as overdramatic or have someone diagnose them later as ADHD if they are not (SOME KIDS ARE, but often SPD displays itself as ADHD and really they could be treated with some therapy and not medication).