"Hilarity."

This is my 409th post, and therefore I fear I have hit writer's block on what the title of this little gem is... I also spend so much time editing my pictures sometimes that I end up slapping some words on a page after it's all done, and am fairly certain I am cheating the writer in me. So this time... write first, slip in some adorable pictures after. The ones in this post were from a gorgeous Saturday evening before dinner, where I finally broke down and gave my 50mm 1.8f lens a second chance at candid photos with my crazy children. (So forgive the glaring imperfections, but there are some pictures of my own kids that I can't just throw away.)

Let's face it... I'm exhausted. I knew from the moment that we found out we were having twins that the hard part wouldn't be when they are newborns and Adam was two, and we were up all night... but now, when they are a year and a half, feeling pretty certain they are justified in throwing their two year old tantrums, and while Adam is three and a half and feeling very three and a half. And we're up all night. Fortunately I feel like my parents are always on speed dial for emergency bail out and I have wonderful friends who take care of me.

In our house, everyone is opinionated and everyone is loud, no one wants to do what they are told and when you do get onto them, they giggle as if they are the most hilarious human being to ever walk the planet. (Or in Adam's case, cry and scream uncontrollably because he knows best, has always known best, and will not give up or breathe until he can be talked off the ledge or appeased with either what he wanted in the first place or an acceptable alternative.) And they may be the most hilarious people on Earth... but not so much when I've told them 4 times in a day to stop unrolling the toilet paper into the potty or begged them not to push the speakers over... or to stop eating the dog food... to stop feeding the Caley their food... that the lunch prepared was perfect for one of them and completely unacceptable for the other two. (Those who say they make their kids "go without" must not have to listen to them scream in hunger for two hours while they should be napping but are too hungry to do so. If they refuse lunch, they can have an apple or a banana, I'm not a restaurant or anything. (Obviously. The food isn't that good.)

But let's start with their charms, and work our way down from there as I lightly scatter in their flaws (what? I mean... their "hilarity.")

Let's start with Colin, because his charms are so extensive.

The twins' teacher told me earlier this week that she wished they were allowed to take video of the kids (it's a very traditional Montessori), because Colin is "hilarious." She said he knows how to push all of Claire's buttons and he's good at it. The story this time: at naptime they sleep on cots next to each other, because they insist on it. But as they are trying to go to sleep...

Colin casually puts his leg on Claire's cot.
She grunts and yells at him to stop.
He retracts his foot, grinning, but acting like he did nothing.
A few seconds later, he does it again. Repeat interaction a few times.

(Sorry Claire, but that's pretty funny.)

Colin is a hugger, a lover, a sweetie pie... when I pick him up from school, he yells, "Mama!" and comes to give me a hug around the face and a big wet kiss. (Claire, alternatively, sees me, jumps up and runs for her jacket, all the while sternly screaming at me that I took too long. She retrieves her jacket, rejects a hug, and storms out of the room. She's happy. But she's ready to go home.) Colin is very clever, witty,  and a practiced clown. When he's got enough attention (one person), he'll spice things up... meow like a cat, bark like a dog, grab fistfuls of food like a maniac and stuff it in his face for comedic effect, the list is endless. Colin is the best sleeper and the most still cuddler of all. He's a morning person, but when he's ready for bed, he will tell you. (Claire is not a morning person and will fight sleep as long as she possibly can.) Let's be brutally honest though... Colin is a biter and a hitter. Not when he's mad, but when he's mad, happy, excited, bored, playful, mean... just always. Whenever you're around Colin, cuddle him all you can. But keep one eye open. That's all I'm saying.

Colin is great with puzzles, is an excellent stacker of all things "stackable" and is awesome with his speech. His favorite words are "Bapple," (which substitutes for several fruits such as apples, bananas, grapes...) "Mama," "Dada," "Dog," "kitty," "March, March, March," "juice," "NO, NO!" "Stop!" and "Shhhhhhh...." which is the most adorable little thing I've ever seen. Ever. (Well, it's up there, okay?)

One of my favorite recent Colin stories:
The way Colin pronounces "apple" is so cute I almost encourage it: "Bap-apple."

Tonight he was banging an empty cup against the refrigerator door, so I tried to hand him his cup of milk. He swatted it out of my hand. I asked if he wanted water instead and held up his cup of water. He melted to the floor, crying in complete agony.
"Colin, Buddy. I don't know what you want!"
(sob) "BAP-APPLE JUICE!"

I laughed probably a little too hard and poured him a small glass - he earned it, since that was the first time he has put two words together. He literally strutted, chest out and dimples first, into the living room, waving his cup victoriously in the air so his siblings could see his triumph. Language rules.

Colin loves to wash dishes at the sink (now Claire does too), and he is a fish in the bathtub, a natural swimmer from the beginning with no fear (Claire is a fish as well, but has some fear. A healthy dose.)

But the cool thing about Colin is that he is super social and will try anything. Go headfirst down a slide, free fall off the back of the couch, tackle a moving dog and pull on a wiry and fearless kitten's tail, and even dare to wrestle his sister over a towel because they couldn't decide who should mop up the spilled (on purpose) ice water in the middle of the kitchen floor. His bravery is legendary and terrifying.

Let's move on to his younger sister and total opposite.

Claire is extremely bright and excellent with her non-verbal skills. She doesn't have to talk, because her pointing, nodding, and made up sign language are quite amazing. She probably understands everything we say, and if she doesn't, she gives it a good guess:

"Do you want milk, Claire?"
(shakes head no.)
"Do you want water?"
(shakes head yes.)
The "guess what I'm thinking" game is always fun. But only when you guess right.

"Claire, do you like the Kirkland brand diapers better than the Target brand?"
Assertive head nod. "Yeah."

Good to know.

I believe Claire knows her colors, or is beginning to. She repeated the word Purple when I pointed out something purple. She can point out and name the colors "red" and "yellow." She is great with puzzles and stacking as well and is a wiz with the shape ball, with no help required (or wanted). Claire knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it, and will fight to the death to get it. The girl's timing for knowing when to feign injury and when to go in for the kill is pretty spot on. However, she grins while she does it so I imagine 95% of the time she gets away with it.

When Colin tries to bite her she shrugs him off. I can't even get him to stop biting me. But apparently she knows the trick.

Somehow she managed to push him off the table without anyone seeing. Looks like one of my old soccer moves.

The other day, and I'm not quite sure what Claire did first (if anything), but Colin came running in the kitchen after her and punched her in the forehead as she was turning back around. She turned the rest of the way around and punched him in the forehead without even dropping her cookie (Colin's cookie?). Then nothing happened. No one cried. Claire looked up at me and grinned. I said, "uh... Okay?" And then they walked into the playroom together. Weirdos.

And the one that makes me laugh...

Colin found a long lost toy light saber that is a favorite among all. He ran into the living room, waving it over his head victoriously (a pattern with him). I turned to put something on the kitchen counter and when I turned back around he was yelling, pinned on his stomach to the carpet. Claire had him pinned, had her left hand wrapped around his neck and her right had had wrenched the light saber from his hand and now she was waving it over her head.

I said, "Guys. Seriously?" And she got up. She didn't give the light saber back though.

(I know sometimes it sounds like I'm making Colin out to be the wimp... the truth is, he's often the instigator and knows how to play dirty. And most of the time, they get along just "fine." But I often warn both Adam and Colin that if they antagonize her enough, Claire will finish it.)

Claire is incredibly aware and mature for her age. She is ready to potty train and would be there if A) she could physically do it (be tall enough to get on the potty and pull her pants down), B) if she wasn't terrified to sit on the potty, and C) if I hadn't banished her from the bathrooms because she sneaks in there to put toilet paper in the potty and dip pieces in to run out and use the wet pieces to "clean" the rest of the house. She loves to wipe things down (the table, herself). She can blow her nose and has been able to since she was 13 months old. When I picked them up one day, she was pretending to be a puppy with two three year old boys while Colin was being hilarious and rolling around on the carpet with his shirt pulled over his head... on purpose.

Claire's favorite words are "Daddy," "Budda," "Adam," "Look!" and "Apple." She's really starting to speak much more in the last week or so, but really relies heavily on her non-verbal, and responds better to me when I am non-verbal as well. She's the best shopper, extremely opinionated about the way her clothes fit and her shoes (I bought her three pairs of boots for Chrismas and one pair of athletic shoes. She rejected the boots, mostly because they hug her calves to tightly. I have the same problem so I completely understand.)

Adam.

Adam, Adam, Adam... he, like the other two, never ceases to challenge and astound me.

Without exaggeration he could have started Kindergarten this year (a few months after turning three). We started abcmouse.com a few months ago and he needed to start on Level 5 (of 6), and it's still too boring for him, but helpful for practice.

He can do 50 piece puzzles without help, and after the first time he has the location of each piece memorized. Right now he's working on reading, spelling, phonics and learning the geography of the 50 states. He still thinks coloring is the most boring thing in the world, but puzzles are a neverending pleasure. Mazes are as well but I'm having trouble finding ones that give him the right challenge. He can spell and read many words, but most recently surprised me with the quick spelling (when prompted), of "Red," and "Dad."

Adam is still extremely intense in everything he does... not going to sleep, waking up, getting dressed, not getting dressed, putting together puzzles. Doing something he doesn't want to do. Doing something he does want to do. Eating. Not eating. He's so preoccupied with what he's doing that often he's looking straight at me and still isn't listening. He's a perfectionist.

His anxiety causes us to be constantly challenged from morning until night, and he's having such awful nightmares of a gruesome and disturbing variety (of which I can't determine the cause, since he barely watches TV and when he does, it's PAW Patrol or Doc McStuffins or other very harmless and not scary subject matter). So nearly every night when he finds he's in his room alone, he panics and ends up in our bed. His fear is very, very real and not made up to get attention, so often we are spending a lot of time convincing him it's okay to be alone. In the bathroom, in his room, during broad daylight... we often have to comfort a panic attack after he hears the front door security alarm beep to indicate that it was opened and explain to him that no one came in, we just went out to check the mail.

So we got him a kitten to help him calm down and feel safer, since he'd been asking (but I'll elaborate more about that in a different post). I figured, maybe, if he had company in his room that he'd feel safer. Now at about 3 am every morning we have him in bed plus a kitten who follows him around like she's his twin.

I try desperately to understand what his triggers are, but there are times when everything is a trigger. And there are times when he's very clear about why he has a hard time in his world:

I asked Adam this a few weeks ago:
"Why do you sometimes get so upset when I drop you off at school?"
"Because I just want you. And the work is boring."
"The work is or the toys are?"
"The work. And sometimes my friends are nice and sometimes my friends are mean. And I never know which it will be."

All I could say was, "I want to be with you too, and tell me which friends are mean to you!" I thought it inappropriate to say, "punch the mean ones in the face" and it depressed me too much to say, "welcome to adulthood, Kid, you just about summed up my days too."

I took Adam to watch my indoor game. Afterwards:
"Adam, do you think I'm good at soccer?"
"Well, you need to practice."
"I do?"
"Yes. Because when you hit the glass, you'll break it. And you want to put it on the net... Maybe... The goal. And sometimes it hits you in the head. That's why you need practice."
"Okay I'll work on those things."
"You just need practice."

He has apparently has learned the art of constructive criticism. He also hates the buzzer (it is really loud, now that I think about it), and says it goes... "EEEEEEEEEEEREDEEEEE!" And he doesn't like it. 

But even through all of this, he's incredibly kind and always looking to help and be loving...

Colin and Claire both have terrible colds. Colin coughed...
Me: "Colin, that cough is terrible! You poor thing."
Adam: "Don't worry, Mommy. I will take care of him."

And another time...
 
Adam: "Mommy, I'm going to make you some soup in my kitchen. It will be ready in five minutes."
Me: "Yummmm! What kind of soup?"
Adam: "Uhhhh... (Flourishes his hand in the air).... FRESH!"

After 6 bowls of the delicious stuff he told me it was a secret recipe but that it would turn me into a frog and make my hair grow longer. I hope that means I'm a pretty frog.

But in the end, this last story best summarizes my life at home. I am not perfect and am constantly trying to readjust my strategy, but I've never felt more outnumbered than I have in the last few months:

In the car, unloading after school:
Adam: (at the top of his lungs, for no reason) "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Me: "Adam stop screaming please, it hurts my ears."
Claire (grinning): "AHH! AHHHH! AAHHH!"
"You too, Claire, I mean it!"
Colin giggles: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tee hee hee hee."
"EVERYONE STOP YELLING!"

Laughter.

They win again. One day I will be victorious.