Cool like Adam

Yesterday I took Adam to the doctor again since his cold was showing no signs of relenting and he was starting to have a really nasty vibrating sound in his chest when he breathed. They were really busy so we spent a little while in the waiting room. There was a 3 year old boy there with his dad and baby syster (maybe 8-9 months old), and a mom came in with her 3 year old boy. Her little boy started climbing on tables and she said "get down", "don't do that" -- but he kept doing it anyway. She looked around the room to see who was watching her and decided to quit trying to discipline him. The waiting room was silent while other parents kept their mouths shut - who are we to offer parenting advice to a woman we don't even know? We'll just silently judge instead.

Two seconds later the other little boy called out to her, "he didn't get down!" She turned a little red and picked up her kid and made him get down. The good little boy's father pretended to be very interested in fixing his daughter's shoe. Another woman and I tried to hide our smiles. She totally got called out on her parenting skills by a well-behaved 3-year-old. NICE.

I am in no way saying that I am or will be the perfect parent -- or even that you can always make your child behave perfectly in public - stuff happens - your kid has a bad day, you have too much in your hands or on your mind, whatever . . . no one is perfect. But she sat 6 inches from her son, told him to stop, he looked at her and deliberately did not listen because it was clear he never had to. And I literally watched her make the decision to not pursue it. It wasn't like he picked up a toy she didn't want him to play with - he was standing on a 3-foot tall table and clearly putting himself in danger. So yeah, I think it's pretty funny that it took a child to say what the rest of us were thinking.

When the doctor called us back she immediately saw that Adam was fussy and commented on it - he is never fussy and didn't utter a single cry when I took him last week. So she knew something wasn't quite right.

The diagnosis: early signs of bronchitis.
The treatment: antibiotics twice a day and breathing treatments with a nebulizer 3 to 4 times a day.
I'm working from home the rest of this week so I can do that for him.

While at the doctor's office they gave him some Respirex with the nebulizer and left me there to hold him while he cried. He really was not feeling well yesterday, it was a different environment and he had just had enough. The picture to the left really captures his misery, I think. It was the longest ten minutes of my life, listening to him cry, trying to keep him from wriggling out of my lap, and holding either the mask or his hands to keep him from ripping it off of his face (which he was very talented at).

When we got home I was a little nervous to put him through it again, so I tried to make him comfortable. I put him in his bouncer sitting as straight up as possible. I had fed him 30 minutes earlier. I turned the compressor on and put the mask on, then held his hands and talked to him. He didn't cry once. In fact, he smiled at me the entire time. The same thing happened when we did it last night, and when I hooked him up this morning. It really does take a lot to get this kid to complain. (picture below)

Shannon and I are amazed by him and his laid-back personality. He is so easy. If he fusses it's usually when he's hungry - don't you dare dawdle when it's time for Adam to eat - or he's tired and no one will leave him alone. If you put him in his crib when he's tired, he'll lay there and talk to himself and play until he falls asleep, or he falls asleep immediately. He sleeps through the night from 9:30 to 5-6. If he wakes up earlier I will go and give him his pacifier and he will go right back to sleep. He loves people and will smile at most, will talk to many. He'll have long conversations with us about all the things that he's thinking - and they sound like wonderful, interesting stories.

The times that he's the cutest, poor thing, is when he cries. He scrunches up his face and kinda "yells" at you and your heart breaks and you want to give him a hug, but you smile because it's just so cute. With this recent cold he does this adorable little thing when he coughs where he does a half-sigh/half-refreshing breath at the end of his cough.

"Cough, cough, cough. Ahhhhh......" Like he just drank a refreshing coca-cola during a superbowl commercial. It's hilarious.

Cough, cough, cough. Ahhhhh.... I wish I could be cool like Adam in everyway.

16 weeks

Today Adam is 16 weeks old. I put him on the floor to play while I got everything ready for work/daycare today, went into the kitchen, and found him fully asleep. He must have been having good dreams though.

I really think that he has had 3 colds back to back since starting daycare. I would think that it's one long cold except that I have gotten every one of them and they are all miserable in different ways. The current one features a horrible, mucusy cough that can't be pleasant. But you wouldn't know it by looking at him.

This weekend we are hosting the 2nd Annual fantasy football draft at our house. We will have a house full of friends. Draft in the afternoon, BBQ for dinner, drinks to finish the night. Obviously this will be Adam's first draft, and I think he'll do great with all the people to entertain him.

But we shall see...

15.5, 15.5, 25

I ended up taking Adam to the doctor this afternoon after all. The pedatrician said he was fighting the cold well, no ear infection and that we should keep doing what we're doing...

I've been freaked out that Adam's head is getting flat because he had such limited movement with the harness on... Not that it stopped him from rolling from his back to his side and stomach every second he can get now that it's off. But she said his head wasn't flat from the harness wear... Just that we should try to get him to look left more often because she can tell he prefers to look right.

So here's where he ranks, since we were there:

15.5 weeks. 15.5 pounds. 25 inches.

Laughing, smiling and extremely engaging all the time = advanced 4 month old behavior. I said, "well, he is 3 1/2 months..." She said no - he's still really advanced in that dept. (he's not shy - he smiled at every woman and child from the parking lot to the elevator to the dr office).

Rolling over consistently from back to side= 4 to 5 month old behavior

His tricks with a pacifier (pulling out, throwing, reaching for it and sticking in his mouth) = 6 month behavior. He demonstrated some of his moves and even threw his pacifier at her. Soon I will post his adorable "hold-paci-in-the-side-of-his-mouth-and-flash-coy-smile-routine". Flirt.

So according to our pediatrician, he's "amazing," "impressive," and "advanced" for his age.

I knew it. But I'm biased.

So after the appointment we came home and I gave him a bath and put on a new outfit because I couldn't resist.

YES, I realize it's 116 degrees outside. YES, I know that the football season hasn't started yet... But it's really sad that I'm worried that my 3 1/2 month old will soon grow out of his 6-9 month old clothes. I think this one, as cute as it is, was just poorly made though.

No more pictures, please.

In the picture to the right he is rolling over from his back to his side. Anyone who has an iphone knows that while it is great to constantly have camera in your pocket, they aren't spectacular at catching babies in motion. So I was lucky with these two. We played a game where he would roll towards me and land on his back, smile, and roll away from me. I would say, "hey, get back here!" and he would flip himself back over really quick to look at me, smile, and start the game over again. It happened 4 or 5 times . . . I would swear he's too young to understand me but it happened too consistently to be a coincidence. It was kinda like peek-a-boo.

Last night, he was making a duck face - I will post a picture of it if I can catch him doing it. I was laughing at him and he would stop and laugh too, and I would say, "do it again!" Wouldn't you know, he would do the face again, wait for me to laugh, then laugh too. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if it hadn't happened 4 or 5 times in a row and if I didn't have Shannon as a witness, I would think I had just made it up in my head. Of course he's a genius. DUH.

Feeling Sick

Adam has a nasty cold. They said he was happy and playful at daycare today, but this evening his "I don't feel good," cry was breaking my heart. :( Now he's in bed with his froggy after actually letting me rock him for twenty minutes.

We gave him some Tylenol and after that kicked in he actually gave me a smile when I put him in his crib. What a little trooper. Not quite sure what I did to deserve such a sweet little baby.

Day Number 2

It was really tough to drop off this smiling face at daycare this morning.

Today is the first day at daycare without the harness. When I handed him over to the teacher and they were talking about how exciting it is that he didn't have to wear it anymore, the whole time he was kinda watching me. I think he's starting to figure out that I drop him off there and he doesn't see me for a while. He isn't upset, but I can see the wheels turning.

It took all my strength not to take him back, say "eh, no thanks, I won't be needing y'all today," and spending another day with him. I have a serious addiction.

On Our Way Out of the Pavlik...

In my first blog I briefly explained the diagnosis of Adam's Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip and being prescribed the Pavlik harness by our pediatric orthopedic specialist.

When we got the idea that this isn't something that they were just checking on to be cautious about, I panicked and researched what I could on the internet about hip dysplasia and the common treatments. Our pediatrician, in the hopes of not worrying me I suppose, had told me that if he had anything wrong it was "no big deal, just a little ace bandage thing that he would have to wear for about 6 weeks." But when I did my internet research and found only the Pavlik harness as treatment for hip dysplasia in infants, I was confused . . . this is the little ace bandage she was referring to? I started to cry immediately, before I even got the diagnosis. Somehow I had a feeling that this was in our future and it seemed like an impossible thing to have to handle. THAT was a rough day.

Baby on the front of the Weaton Pavlik Harness package

The purpose of the harness is to keep the hips and knees bent (flexed) and thighs spread apart (abducted). This position is best to help the hip grow normally. Hip dysplasia is a very common problem that affects 1 in 100 infants (about as common as autism), but the harness has a 92% success rate. Hip Dysplasia is not all that common in boys, especially boys who were not breech. However, we do have suspicions that my dad's brother had this when he was a baby (they treated it differently then - with a body cast), and my cousin's son also was diagnosed with the same problem a few years ago.

Imagine being told that not only does your 3 week old baby have something wrong with his hips (see my previous blog), and not only are your hormones going insane trying to balance out since the pregnancy, but that you have to put him in this huge harness that covers his feet and legs up to his knees and goes over his shoulders like suspenders. To top it off, it's not a 6 week treatment but a 3-4 month ordeal.

Adam's first day in the harness

While sitting in the office and hearing the news, I held Adam and tried to pretend like I understood what the doctor was saying about how this was in no way a permanent disability. I nodded along while he sympathetically told me that they all understand how overwhelming and terrifying it is to see your little baby strapped into the harness, but it is not painful and is something that we will get used to. I must not have been very convincing, because then he told me before they brought in the actual harness that many mothers cry, and that it's okay if I do. So I started to cry. I think the nurse cried a little for me too.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this is the worst possible thing that could have happened, just that it was traumatic. I was okay two days later after I did some more crying, some more research and decided to trust that this was not a permanent disability or a permanent treatment. Then, I told my hormones to shut up already and deal with it. I was lucky that this was going to be worse for me that it was for him. He won't remember it, he is not in pain, and there is a very good chance that this will work and he won't need further (more painful) procedures (we will see). So I packed away all of his 0-3 month old clothes (didn't matter cause he didn't really fit in them for very long anyway). Then a friend from Shannon's work brought up some larger baby clothes; specifically, some Winnie the Pooh pajamas. They fit over his harness comfortably and he looked so cute and warm that it didn't feel so bad anymore. It felt like he could be "normal".

My mom and my aunt went out and bought 10-15 new outfits in the 18-24 month size because those were the only things he could wear without affecting the harness. We also bought those limited edition huggies diapers that looked like denim so if he was just wearing a little 12 month old t-shirt it was just a little more stylish.

He is actually wearing the harness here at 7 weeks old, underneath a 24 month romper.

We had to relearn everything. The most comfortable way to nurse him, how to change his diaper with the harness on, how to change his clothes, how to hold him, how to position him so he wouldn't get a flat spot on his head, and how to continue his development. I didn't have the heart to make him do much tummy time because it looked so uncomfortable and he hated it anyway. This, like all other things, required an adjustment period.

So we learned it all over again. We found out he likes to see what's going on so he didn't want to be cradled anyway. He has always wanted to be held upright, which luckily is also the easiest way to hold him while he's wearing the harness. He loves the Bumbo and can use it with the harness. The boppy was great for nursing, even better than my previous techniques. We figured out which diapers were more difficult to maneuver around the harness. That over-sized clothes worked great, but not the ones with collars because they came up over his face. I learned to give an expert sponge bath since he was supposed to wear it even at bathtime. I learned that people either noticed the harness or didn't, and those who did either asked politely and responded positively, or didn't ask at all. Soon enough I was fine with all of those reactions.

I have become a professional at putting it on and taking it off quickly. Shannon and I are both masters of diaper changes while the harness is on - so much so that I had forgotten it took a while to figure out and realized what an adjustment this must be for the daycare teachers (not that they have complained). After about 8-9 weeks it got WAY too hot outside for him to be wearing the large and bulky 2 year old clothes so I started putting 3-6 month old clothes (because that's what he was wearing at 2 months) on under the harness. It wasn't the most attractive, but it was more practical for the summer. Eventually I got brave enough to take it completely off at bathtime because it was a much faster process to take it off than to work around it.

Wearing his harness over his onesie.

Some websites that I have seen warned NEVER to remove or attempt to adjust this "complicated" device and to contact their doctor immediately if it appears that the harness isn't fitting correctly or needs adjusted. Luckily our orthopedic specialist (David S. Brown, M.D. of Pediatric Sports and Spine Associates) scheduled a few appointments early on and he and their staff taught me how it should fit and how to adjust it whenever necessary.

And it is a damn good thing they did because Adam grew FAST. In fact, he grew out of the "small" harness after 6 weeks and was fitted for a "medium", which he is almost too big for now (another 6 weeks later).


People have asked me whether the harness is uncomfortable or if it bothers Adam, and I have to say that up until just recently, 99% of the time it doesn't bother him. There were one or two instances in the beginning when he would cry and we would go through the checklist: hungry? no. need a new diaper? no. gas bubbles? no. sleepy? no. Finally in desperation I would pull the velcro to adjust the straps to give him some room and he would immediately calm down. Apparently it was too tight because he had literally grown overnight.

But honestly, these were incredibly rare instances. Recently he has gotten so tall and weighs quite a bit - he is much larger than the typical 3 month old - so it really can't be comfortable for him to have his legs pulled up so high beneath him. He doesn't complain much about anything but I'm often trying to position him in a way where it's not putting much of a strain on his legs and back. But he's cute - he's very ticklish on his neck - so when I pull the straps from around his shoulders he wrinkes up his face, gives a big grin and shrugs his shoulders from the sound of the velcro.
A lot of the pictures I have shared recently are of Adam sans-harness. I feel I have adjusted fairly well to returning to work (although I still miss him and have fleeting thoughts each morning of what it would be like if I could just stay home and play with him all day). I am adjusting to having to be at work and away from him all day, and just dealing with getting to see him only a couple hours before his bedtime each night. But when you add the harness on top of that, I felt too distant from him and just can't take it. So, for the last two weeks Adam has worn the harness all night and all during the day at daycare. When I pick him up and get him home from work I take it off for a few hours and put him in "real" clothes instead of the 24 month jumpers that go over his harness (at daycare it is an easier solution so they don't have to remove it at any time), cuddle with him, and let him move his legs a little.

But after today, NO MORE HARNESS DURING THE DAY!! Tomorrow I'm taking the day off of work to hang out with him and celebrate.

Technically, the instructions are to have him wear the harness full-time for three months and then at naptime and bedtime for another month after that; however, Adam is not all that interested in napping, even when they wear him out at daycare. He takes a couple of 20-30 minute cat naps through out the day, and you can't predict them. And if you wake him up accidentally, it's over. No more nap.

So even if it was just me at home with him, I don't think I'd be able to slip the harness on him without waking him up or be able to predict his naptimes in order to get it on him before he zonked out. So I'm not going to make them do it at daycare either. He sleeps 10-11 hours at a time at night (he wakes up to eat once but goes right back to sleep) so this works for him. Whether it makes a difference in how his hips are corrected, we will see.

I don't want to sound nonchalant about it or uninterested in doing everything I can for him, because that is definitely not the case at all. The truth is, I am terrified this won't (or hasn't) worked. But I can only do what I can. The plan is for him to wear the harness every night at bedtime for 4 more weeks, and at that point they will do x-rays to see if his hips developed in the sockets correctly. If it worked, they will periodically check his hips until he is about 1 1/2 to make sure they don't go back to how they were. If the procedure doesn't work, however, it will require a corrective procedure where they will need to put him under anesthesia and pop the hip into place.

But I don't like to think about the possibility of fhat now. Right now, I'm going to enjoy tomorrow with my 15 week old who doesn't have to wear the Pavlik harness during the day anymore.

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September 8, 2011 - One Year after Finishing with the Pavlik Harness

Does the Pavlik Harness work? For us, yes. It worked 100% with no downside, and every hip x-ray Adam has had over the last year has shown that his hips look as if he had never had dysplasia in the first place. In fact, the harness in some ways helped him to build his abdominal muscles and legs, so when he came out of the harness at 3-4 months old, he was already ahead of the game with his physical development. He sat up at about the same time as other babies, but he crawled at 7 months, pulled up to standing a week later, learned to climb at 9 months, took his first steps at 10 months, was full on walking the day before he turned 11 months, and was running at 13 months... with no issues.

Our experience with the harness, albeit stressful and scary, was positive.

The day Dr. Brown diagnosed Adam and put him in the harness, he told me that when it was all said and done I would look back and think how simple it was and silly to be so upset. It was not offensive, he said it in a comforting and optimistic way and I believed him. But now, having gone through it, I don't know that I would say that's exactly how I felt a year ago or how I feel now.

The first 3-4 months were a blur. Being our first child, we were learning so many new things about parenting, babies, daycare, and the normal stress that goes with it. We had extra stress tacked on, but we dealt with it not knowing that other parents have very different newborn months experiences. In the long scheme of things, 3 to 4 months is just a blip. Now Adam is 16 months old, so he wore the harness for a quarter of his life. But when they put the harness on him, it felt like it would be an eternity before they would take it off.

Now, when I look back, I do not think it was silly of me to be so upset - I wonder how I was not more upset and scared... but we lived day to day with so much to take care of that we simply didn't have the time to be wallowing in our stress and fear.

When I look back now, my emotions about those 3-4 months and the few follow up x-rays/check ups afterwards can be summed up with two words: perspective and grateful. While I found it traumatic two weeks (and longer) after giving birth, and I thought that I would never ever forget how hard and stressful the first months were, I now find that I don't think about it nearly as much as I expected I would. I look at Adam now and see a bubbly toddler with personality galore and so much athleticism that I completely forget that he even wore the Pavlik for the first few months of his life. Of course, when you throw in the rest from this last year: terrible acid reflux, allergies that cause asthma-like symptoms, a million breathing treatments, a terrible early daycare experience (I think our second-best early parenting decision was to get him out of that school and into the one he's in now), pneumonia, RSV, and every other virus you could possibly think of ... you tend to change the way you think about life and focus on the good instead of the hard, stressful, or scary. So as I look back, I am amazed that what I believed was the hardest thing we'd have to deal with was actually, while not to diminish it's seriousness or "forget" my emotions about it, not the worst we have faced. That's a strange revelation as I look back over the last year.

I found myself jealous of other parents who got to cuddle with their newborns during that cuddly stage without anything in between them. But would I trade the harness for those 3-4 months back? Absolutely not. I know that we did the right thing by following the orthopedic surgeon's suggestions. He told me that we could take the chance and see if his hips align themselves on their own (because many parents do make that choice), but that the harness was such an "easy" way to do everything in our power to help him get there, so why "wait and see" and then regret it if the situation didn't correct itself on it's own? The treatment options for babies much older or who's bones have already started to harden is much more traumatic. I have to say I agree with him. Maybe Adam's hips would have been fine without the harness, but I am so glad we didn't take that kind of chance, and I believe it paid off in the long run for him and for us.

Not all parents and children in these situations have the same outcome, but for us, the Pavlik ended up being a successful and (in the grand scheme of things) an "easy" treatment option.

DAREDEVIL

Future Mountain Climber

Outdoor Boy

Happy Kid.

Surviving a Whole Week

Last week was my first full week back at work while Adam was at daycare.

Last Saturday night Shannon and I decided to have another "family barbecue", which basically means that when you do it late enough Adam is already asleep by 8:00 and you fire up the grill, eat dinner, then go to sleep because you're too exhausted to do anything else. We had steak. Mine was a monstrous T-bone with a little bit of blue cheese sprinkled on it. We had baked potato and sauteed mushrooms on the side. Yum.

About 20 minutes after this feast I felt sick and proceed to be sick all night, then spent all of Sunday "dying" and sleeping it off. For a while I thought it might have been due to the fact that I don't eat very much red meat or that the blue cheese simply didn't agree with me. Turns out it was a stomach bug that lasts 24-36 hours or so. Sunday was a waste. But at least Adam didn't get it.

I came into work 2 hours late on Monday. Took some Dayquil and felt okay enough to manage... Came home to Adam and played a little bit. Felt a little under the weather but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been on Sunday.

This is so much easier without the harness!

On Tuesday I felt MUCH better, but Shannon was sick and stayed in bed all day. I came home and put Adam in pants for the first time, well, EVER. We did a little tummy time. I have decided in these last two weeks of full time Pavlik harness use that it can't hurt too much if I take it off for 2 or 3 hours after I get off work and put it on before he goes to bed. I tell myself that, but of course I am no doctor so I'm basically just lying to myself so I can do what I want. In a future blog I'll go into detail about our history with the Pavlik.

Meanwhile Caley has figured out that if you go and sit next to the baby, you can get attention by default. And at this point, when she thinks she has been neglected and suffers from severe jealousy, that's good enough. We know she will get better once he is more mobile and moving around and can play a little more with her. She adores kids. She's already happier now that she's allowed to smell him and lick his fingers (just once, then move on).

yes?

On Wednesday, we spent a little time in the Bumbo. He's getting really good with his head movements and can stay in the Bumbo and look around the room easily for about 30 minutes. He can go longer, but it's not as fun at that point. Lately he has been able to play with his pacifier, especially the fun game of, "Mom puts it in, I pull it out." But he's also consistently reaching for the pacifier now, grabbing it with one hand and trying to stick it in his mouth. It gets turned the wrong way by the time he gets to his mouth, so he chews on it for a few seconds, scowls, and kinda tosses it like, "this one is broken!" He is not as interested in his toys, however. If I dangle a toy for him to grab he kinda looks at it a little and loses interest. He also will only track objects with his when he feels like it and sometimes acts like he's daydreaming . . . or bored. I think his philosophy is, "If it has a face or it goes in my mouth, I'm interested."

On Thursday I woke up sick. Again. But this time with a cold. Adam had the same sniffles, cough and sneeze, but didn't complain at all about it. In fact, I'm a bigger baby than he is. So I waited a few hours Thursday morning at home to see if it would get worse . . . no fever, no fussiness . . . Adam is smiling and talking . . . I kept waffling. Do I go to work or stay home? If I stay home should I work from home or devote all my attention to taking care of Adam? Should I take him to daycare or does he need to stay home and rest? When he started to yell at me because I wasn't entertaining enough for him, I knew it was time for daycare. His "yelling" consists of very animated baby talk paired with concerned facial expressions. If I only knew what he was saying . . . he sure does have some intense stories and stern tones when he's serious about something.

Anyway, I dropped him off and went to work, and we had no issues whatsoever.

This isn't the first time he's had a cold. When Adam was a month old, Shannon brought home the WORST virus that we all ended up suffering through. We all survived, miserable two weeks as that was.

The cold was hardly even a sickness, but I did feel worse on Friday. I woke up thinking, " I wonder if maybe I should just stay home today and rest." Then I realized that staying home with Adam would be much more work than actually going to work and sitting in front of my computer. Stay-at-home Moms, while I'm a little jealous that I can't be one, work is MUCH harder at home in my opinion.

Adam's newest development is wanting to hold his own bottle. Mostly, I think, because he's afraid we'll take it away too soon. He's never satisfied and always willing to eat whatever you have to give him at any time of the day. He's good at staying on his schedule but if you let him he would eat every 2 hours. He can hold the bottle steady but isn't truly feeding himself. It's good practice though for the little independent bugger.

Gah, Dad. I can do it myself.

Horrible picture of me, cute picture of Adam

Friday was non-eventful. Adam slept most of the evening and Shannon and I had a few drinks at home. Saturday we went to Ft. Worth for Trey's birthday dinner with everyone while my mom babysat. We had a good time and got to eat at the Yucatan Taco Stand for the first time. YUM.

Sunday we had lunch with some friends who have a three month old daughter. It's strange to me to compare Adam to other babies his age because he's just SO much bigger than "average" sized babies. He's almost literally twice her size and he's only two weeks older. After lunch I took Adam up to the hospital and visited with my dad, who is doing much, much better. In the last week or so he has had vast improvement. There is still a ways to go, but at least we are at a point where it FEELS like there is progress.

In short, the week dragged on and the weekend flew by. Story of our lives, right? This morning when I dropped off Adam at daycare, it was the first day he watched me leave. He didn't cry, but it twisted my heart a little bit. I have a feeling this week will be even more interesting than last.

Fool me twice, shame on me...

A week of milestones.

You are too young to know how to stick that thumb in your mouth.

Wednesday was my first day back at work. 

Adam was 13 weeks old. It was nice. People were happy to see me, Adam was at home with Shannon and they played and ate and enjoyed each other's company . . .the house was even vacuumed when I came home from work. I really do have an incredible, irreplaceable husband. And a sweet little baby who smiled at me at 5 o'clock that evening.

Thursday, my second day of work.  

Adam's first day of daycare. Adam was exactly 3 months old. Shannon and I both dropped him off at daycare at 6:45 that morning. Shannon was curious about the place but mostly came to keep me from having a breakdown, and I didn't. I trust them and I know it's good for Adam. I was sad but confident. I knew I was only ten minutes away . . . and believe me, I did stop by at lunchtime just to give him a hug. But I didn't cry. I felt okay, like this may be a fairly easy transition.

But when I picked Adam up from daycare Thursday night, desperate to see him, missing him badly and knowing that 4:30 couldn't come soon enough . . . I picked up my happy, smiley baby . . . and in the less than 5 minute drive from daycare to home, he had passed out. And I mean OUT. He slept from 5 o'clock to six thirty, when I made him wake up to eat (which he did, you can't stop this boy from eating). He immediately went back to sleep until I woke him up at 9 for his nightime feeding . . . after that I bathed him and he looked at me like I was the craziest person he'd ever seen (which can't be many, but man, he was seriously confused). I put him to bed and he was more than thankful for that.

And then there's Friday.

 

I woke Adam up for his 5:15 am feeding and he ate, sleepily, and went right back to sleep. Didn't move for a second when I changed him and clothed him and whispered to him . . . didn't move when I cuddled with him on the couch watching reruns of Boy Meets World on the DVR (leave me alone, they are mindless and mildly entertaining) . . . didn't even lift his head when Shannon came in to kiss us good-bye and ask why there were tears running down my cheeks. Second day of daycare.

I thought I would talk myself into the benefits of not seeing him for the day and getting him at night and on the weekends, like a fairly friendly joint custody battle . . . I hadn't realized that the day would wear him out so thoroughly that I would get to drop off happy, cheerful Adam and pick up the sleepy, cranky baby. I pay them to play with my adorable happy son and I get to pick him up when he's worn out, exhausted and uninterested in smiling at ME? And when I know there is no possible way they could appreciate him as much as I do my skin crawls and my stomach knots up... none of it seems fair. In fact, the irony is smothering.

So when I handed over my sleeping baby to the lovely teacher at daycare, with a few mild comments about when he ate last and the new package of wipes I brought for him, I couldn't stay long. I said my swift goodbyes and made it to the car without crying, and then drove to work with a golfball in my throat. Today was not great. No one told me that it would be the second day of daycare that would bring me to my knees.

I was left with a whole lot of "it will get easier" from co-workers/friends who have done this before . . . and managed to weasel my way into visiting him at lunch . . . learning that he was still a little hungry after his last bottle . . . seeing a clear opportunity for my getaway . . . stealing him away to our house to feed him at lunchtime . . . and then brought him back so I wouldn't be completely MIA at work.

So what, I took an hour and a half lunch? In the long scheme of things will it really matter that I neglected an extra 30 minutes of work? No. Will Adam remember the second-day-daycare-lunch-escapade? No. Will I remember it? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is I got a few extra smiles today and that kept me from sobbing from 1pm to 4pm when I picked him up (shut up, YES it was a few minutes early). And when I picked him up, we went home, ripped off his pavlik harness (because for my own mental health reasons I needed my little cuddly child), and went to see my dad in the hospital. And while there he was able to stop more tears.

I spent the evening with my mom and dad, visiting them at the hospital... keeping my smile, in awe of my Mother, loving my Daddy, and finding it difficult to make the simplest sentence come out of my mouth. I am thankful that we have each other and fighting desperately to stay positive and mimick my mother's every move. I am lucky. I am lucky. I am blessed. But mostly, I am thankful. I have too much to be thankful for to complain about anything.

You will notice the lack of pavlik harness. What can I say? Sometimes you just need a hug.

And so it begins...

Tomorrow I will be returning to work after 3 incredibly short months of being home with Shannon and I's first son, Adam. I am not incredibly happy about it but will not allow myself much time to think about how else it could be. It must be done and it will be good for him, as much as I will miss the little daytime smiles. I fear that one day I will walk in to pick him up from daycare and he will just be sitting up, or walking, or talking in full sentences and I will have missed it all. I dislike thinking that I will get to see him for an hour or so in the morning, a couple of hours at night and then on the weekends and holidays. And the worst part is, we actually have to pay someone to be with him when that's what I want the most. Talk about irony.

That is not to say that the last 3 months have been the best 3 months of my life, either. The only thing keeping me afloat is that we do have Adam around. The whole part of 2010 was filled with doctor's visits to make sure his heart and kidneys were forming correctly (they were), he was growing properly (oh, he was), or that I had enough amniotic fluid to sustain the pregancy to full term (I did). But after 3 or 4 visits to a specialist because my OB-GYN's basic job was to "suspect" something was wrong and send me to someone who might be able to prove it, we met my insurance deductible by March. Adam was born on Cinco de Mayo via an emergency c-section (the one thing I was completely freaked out about), completely healthy, and completely grown at 8 lbs 11 oz. I was 5 days past my due date. I got to bring him home from the hospital on Mother's Day, and the day before Shannon's 32nd birthday. Talk about a great Mother's Day and Birthday present.


Shortly after his birth we discovered that drinking milk can cause breastfeeding babies to have severe acid reflux/gas. In fact most foods do - tomatoes, cheese, refried beans - talk about a pizza and nacho lovers ultimate test. I cut all dairy out of my diet as well as most food staples, so that eventually all I really could eat without affecting his stomach was turkey sandwiches on wheat bread. We took him to Inwood Chiropractic and they did a little adjustment on him. It was basically just a tiny little massage, not pulling or yanking, and he loved it. We saw results immediately within an hour or so after I brought him home. I truly believe it saved us a lot of heartache and now we are slowly working in the dairy products back into his diet.

Here are some of my favorite professional photos of Adam done by Brenna Lynn Photography. He was 12 days old when these pictures were taken.

  Adam's Development

When Adam was two weeks old, he rolled over at the pediatrician's office (yes, 3 1/2 months ahead of schedule!). However, our pediatrician (whom we love) also discovered that his hips seemed a little "loose", meaning that they tended to slide in and out of the socket. She recommended that we go to get an ultrasound done on his hips, which we did, and they immediately recommended us to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon/specialist. We were told that Adam had Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip, which is most common in firstborns (yes), females (no) and babies who were breech (no). When he was 3 weeks old he was fitted for a Pavlik harness, which had to be worn 24-7, even during bathtime, for 3 months, and then during naptime and at bedtime for another month after that. In the picture to the left he is about 2 months old and wearing the harness on the outside of his onesie.

After the total 4 months is up, he will get x-rays done on his hips to see if the treatment worked and that his hips developed correctly with both legs in the socket. If not, they will need to give him anesthesia and do a procedure to pop the hips into place. Needless to say, we are desperately hoping that the Pavlik harness works. As difficult as it has been to see him in it day after day, any procedures that must be done if this does not work will be much more painful and difficult for him. They say that he should have no developmental setbacks and that physically if all goes well he will not have any disabilities. We have 2 weeks left of full time harness use, and I am counting down the days!

Luckily, the harness has not hindered his movement or growth. In the rare times that I do remove the harness he can still roll over . . . he has an incredibly strong core and has been able to hold his head up since birth, basically. At his 2 month appointment with the pediatrician, he took his vaccinations like a champ. He calmed down immediately after the shots (with help from the pacifier), and was smiling at me by the time we were in the elevator. We also were surprised to find that he weighed 13 lbs, 7.5 ounces and was 24.5 inches long -- so at two months old he was in the 90th percentile for both height and weight . . . a strong, tall, healthy boy. I swear he is literally growing inches overnight.

Adam 2 months and Erin 30 years

Erin's 30th Birthday

Shannon and Erin

On July 5 this year I turned 30 years old on the same day that Adam was exactly 2 months old. For my birthday my parents baby-sat while we went to Luna de Noche for dinner and then bowling and laser tag afterwards with Robin, Sarah, Jon and Kristina, Lisa and Mike and Kirsten and Bryan.

The Group

Shannon's Truck


Shortly after Adam was born, Shannon bought a new truck to replace his falling-apart Blazer (which blew carbon monoxide into the car, had a barely-functioning air conditioner, and an incessant door buzzer that tells you when the car is on but the door isn't shut all the way beeped at you no matter how tightly shut the door was). Technically it isn't "new", but new to us. Not long after that purchase, he walked out the door one morning to go to work and found his truck on cinderblocks in the driveway, all 4 tires and wheels gone.

The Carrollton police came to the house, filed a report, and Shannon worked with Classic Chevrolet to get everything straightened out. Apparently we were victims of a crime spree in the neighborhood - several other people in Carrollton had the exact thing happen to them.  Insurance took care of it and he actually ended up with something even better than what he started out with - but talk about a nuisance. Now we are still triple checking the locks every night and arguing about who "gets" to park in the garage. The picture above is of the truck before the vandalism. The picture to the left is after the vandalism and "upgrades". It is a 2007 GMC Sierra.

Other Scary Things

On June 26 I received news that an ex-boyfriend (who I had remained good friends with) passed away. Tom O'Regan and I met in Cork, Ireland, where he and his family are from, while I was studying abroad my last semester of graduate school. Tom was living in Singapore, working for his dad's company and working on his music when he suddenly passed away in his sleep from cardiac failure. All blood work came back clear and there was no good reason that they could see. Even videos of him out the night before showed him happy and full of life. He was going to be 30 in September. I have always been terrified that at any moment I could lose family member or close friend suddenly, and Tom's death reminded me how quickly someone can be taken away. I miss him and our bi-weekly emails. The picture to the right is in Mallorca in 2006 - the last trip we took together.

A few weeks after Tom's passing, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that my mom had taken my dad to the emergency room and that they thought he was either having a heart attack or stroke. They ruled both out, and while in the hospital he slowly lost gross motor skills, starting from his legs and moving up toward his face. They ran test after test and finally discovered after days of testing that he had some form of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. GBS is incredibly rare, effecting only 1 or 2 in 100,000 people. He is still in the hospital undergoing serious physical, occupational and speech therapy daily. My mind is constantly on him and how strong he must be to face this. I know he will overcome it soon and be good as new, it's just a long, hard battle.

Summer

Bathtime at 12 weeks old

Adam 10 weeks old

Over the last weeks I have been taking Adam up to the hospital to flash cute little smiles at my parents, who have yet to acquire names as grandparents. We are waiting to see what Adam decides to call them, I think. We have had mini family barbecues, gone swimming at the pool, and are attempting to redecorate the guest bathroom at the last minute before I go back to work. Below are several pictures from Adam's first day in the pool last weekend at Mike and Lisa's house. He liked the water and was EXHAUSTED afterward.

Shannon and Adam at the Pool

Erin and Adam at the Pool

What's next??

Exhausted!

It has been a tough, emotionally draining summer, but one that has been completely worth it because I got to spend all my time with little Adam and enjoy learning to be a parent with Shannon.As the summer begins to come to an end I start this blog so that as the weeks and days go by I remember to cherish every moment that I have with my family.