Life as a Ham: Uncharted Territory (11 Months Old)

Today, on the day that Colin and Claire are 11 months old, I am sitting in silence in our blue Dodge Grand Caravan, in the parking lot at Central Market, sipping on a small coke from Whataburger and typing up this blog post on my phone while two still-sick babies are sleeping in back.

It might help if I explain how I got here.

For the last two months Colin and Claire have been fighting a nasty, persistent sinus infection. After 5 different oral antibiotics failing to fix the problem, they had one shot of Rocephin last Tuesday (a week ago today) and another two shots (at the same time) of the same antibiotic on Thursday. Friday, they felt great. Saturday, great. On Sunday, Claire started acting like she felt bad again, and the runny nose came back. I was up with her most of Sunday night as she moaned, didn't want to be put down or left alone, and suffered through a high fever. Monday I stayed home with her, but when I called the nurse to ask her what to do, she said they were kind of in a tough spot because she really needed to see the ENT, and I couldn't get our appointment moved to an earlier date... so she said to keep giving her Tylenol and Zyrtec and to call back if it got worse.

On Monday night, they both woke up with fevers. And again on Tuesday, and Claire's pain worsened. Colin's cough got worse, and his fever higher. Shannon stayed home with them that day, and I had to come home from work, sick, mid-day -- but it isn't the same thing they have. Mine might be stress-induced.

After another rough night Tuesday night in which Claire moaned and screamed in pain all night long, I knew we couldn't wait any longer and made an appointment to go back to the pediatrician. I showed up at 11:20 for our 11:30 appointment. We sat in the waiting room for 50 minutes while two sleepy, bored, miserable babies complained at me. I overheard another parent ask the office staff what the delay was, and they said they were behind because of an emergency patient this morning. I decided to just be thankful we were sitting calmly and not rushing for emergency treatment.

When she saw us she confirmed what I had already "diagnosed" myself: Colin has a sinus infection that has moved into his lungs. Claire has a sinus infection that has resulted in double ear infections. It's scary when I remind myself that less that a week ago, I watched them give 4 painful shots in my screaming babies' legs... And that 4 days ago, they were feeling pretty good.

She told me to start Colin back on the breathing treatments and start them both on another antibiotic today, but that in addition to the ENT next Tuesday, they'll need to see an Immunologist tomorrow. It's looking suspiciously like their adenoids are causing an issue with trapping bacteria (which was also Adam's problem before he had his out 6 months ago), but she was concerned about the type of bacteria we are fighting. She says that they are seeming to get better and then it comes back and starts all over again, but a specialist really needs to help us figure out what the long term fix is. She also said that we needed to get the antibiotic filled ASAP so we could sneak in both doses today.

So I left with my miserable, sleepy, frustrated babies, and swing through the CVS pharmacy drive thru while Claire whimpered and Colin whined in the back. He checked to see if they had it and told me to come back in 40 minutes. When I asked if there was any way he could get it processed sooner (and told him why), he said again that it would "only" be 40 minutes.

My mind went through the scenarios... Take them home, unload them, let them fall asleep for a two hour nap and then wake up hungry, needing a diaper change and trying to load them back up in the van... Only to pick up the prescriptions no earlier than 4... Or I can park, unload my miserable twins into the stroller and then wait for them to fill the order inside while they cried for twenty minutes... And while my patience wained, I reminded myself that he has probably never been in my situation and thinks its no big deal. So I sighed and said, "okay."

And then I drove, trying to go fast enough and avoid red lights if I could so they could cry themselves to sleep... and now you find me here. I imagine you are picturing me all unkempt (true), unshowered (true), and with huge, sad dark circles under my eyes (quick check in the mirror... Nope, not yet). If I told you that I wasn't concerned, exhausted, and a little overwhelmed, I'd be lying. But I'm not crying my eyes out and while I'm guilty of one or two google searches for the possible scary bacteria, diseases or outcomes that pop up when you search "antibiotic resistant bacteria," I'm still fairly level headed. I have to be. They don't cry until they see me looking like I want to.

The truth is, I'm terrified. This is uncharted territory for us. We've gone through lots of sickness with Adam, but nothing that couldn't be cured. I feel sick to my stomach that I'm doing something very wrong. Or that they have some kind of terrible bacteria and will need to be hospitalized. I'm not panicking, but I'm definitely uncomfortable, nervous, and concerned.

*I went back to the pharmacy an hour later, well after he said to, and he told me I needed to wait another 5 minutes and to drive back around and get back in line. So for another 20 minutes Claire cried while we sat in the drive thru. When I got back to the window, he said that they actually didn't have the antibiotic. I looked at him in anger and disbelief. This was something he could have said when we got there. Or twenty minutes later after he discovered his mistake, he could have called me... OR he could have even told me that when I went through the line the first time, instead of making me pull back around and waiting another 30 minutes. I held my cool, but am not going to keep quiet about it. I will be giving that CVS pharmacy a call to tell them how much I appreciate their excellent service in the past, but this was not cool. NOT. COOL.

He called two other locations, who also didn't have it, and then I called to other independent pharmacies in the area, who also didn't have it in stock. So I called the doctor, and they gave us samples of Suprax to hold us until tomorrow's appointment with the immunologist.

**This evening, after they got up from their late nap that I insisted they take, Colin felt awful. I put him down, standing up at the couch, took a few steps away and when I turned back around he had laid on the floor in misery with his cheek to the carpet. I picked him up and took his temperature, which was 101.5. His skin was marbled and his breathing was labored. I put him in his highchair to give him some medicine and a drink, and started a breathing treatment. 1 minute in, he vomited. Shannon took his temperature, and it was 102.4. I called the on call doctor, and by the time she called back, his temperature had dropped again. She said just to watch him closely and go in if his fever wasn't controlled or if he continued to have labored breathing.

He seemed to improve and ate a little dinner, and then vomitted again. But his fever was under control and Shannon says he thinks he threw up because he gagged and cough on the mucus in his throat.

I have a makeshift bed of blankets set up in their room, because that's where I'll be "sleeping" tonight.
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So every month I have been sharing pictures of them together as they grow, and I wanted to do something a little fancier than on my phone, but considering how they are feeling currently, I don't think that will happen.

But here they are, 11 months old today, sick but cheerful, watching me lie on the couch in misery when I was feeling sick yesterday.

They amaze me. Even though they can't stay healthy, they have nothing but smiles for me. So I force myself to think that I must be doing something right.