You are very little, and aren't reading yet. But someday you will read, and someday, even tomorrow, I'll be very different from the person who took care of you and loved you today. Tomorrow, and in all the days after, I hope I am a better person.
The beauty of art, in painting, drawing, writing, sculpture, music, photography, and all the other ways you can capture a moment and display it the way your mind sees it, is that somehow those moments don't feel so fleeting anymore.
It's why mothers treasure their babies' footprints, take too many pictures and tell you stories about your childhood that you might feel were insignificant. It's why painters paint, knowing they will make little money, and why writers feel destined to write, even if only one person reads their work.
I want to tell you: none of it is insignificant. None of it is in vain. Nothing you see, experience, hear or do is ever truly lost, it only gets soaked into your sub-conscience and blurs so badly it's unrecognizable. But it's never gone. The beauty of art is that it keeps life a little less blurry, and it shows others the world in the way that you see it. When it's done right, it makes a bigger impact than the actual event itself.
Because of me, in unintentional ways, you'll be artistic. You may become doctors or marine biologists or successful business analysts, but everything in life requires creativity and art, whether or not you see yourself as artistic. I find value in it, and I teach it to you even when I don't know it. The same way my parents taught me.
There is an art to living life that is easy to forget. It's never black and white. It's a balance of intelligence and emotion, and there are things you should remember. At least as I know them today.
There are amazing people in this world who are able and determined to see past their own troubles. Try your hardest to be one of those people, regardless of religion or social standing. In the end, that blurs too... You'll only see how grateful you are to have what's in front of you, and appreciate the moments that are behind you.
You may find that very few will tell you it's okay to be mad, sad, jealous, or overly sensitive. It is okay. The important thing is not that you don't feel these things, but that you learn to recognize your emotions, hold your tongue, wait until you are not consumed by those feelings and then use your intelligence to say what's appropriate. What's appropriate may not always be nice, but make sure it's intelligent. Make sure it's based on truth, and always, always, listen to the response. Be adaptive. Be compassionate. Try to be enlightened by an experience even when the world is unfair. Even if it takes a while to see how a situation could possibly be enlightening, have the strength to impress yourself with your restraint until you are certain you are doing what you feel is right.
That being said, it's okay to screw up. You won't always have the right answer. It's good to be spontaneous. But if you did something you shouldn't have, admit it, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on with the knowledge that thoughts of, "I wish I had said this," or "I wish I hadn't done that," are completely normal and part of life. If you are in the wrong, it's good to say "I'm sorry." Even if the only person you can say it to is yourself.
Most people in this world are not vicious, but can be reactive and defensive. If they say or do something to hurt you, it is okay to protect yourself. It is always okay to defend yourself. But in the process, use your brain to understand how you can improve the situation instead of escalate it. Sometimes that means saying nothing at all until the right time. Or never.
It is normal to love and hate at the same time. When this happens, be okay with feeling both, and then make good decisions. Not everyone will love you, even though they obviously should. Try to let your love of other people, other things, and yourself take over, and eventually the hate might not hurt so badly anymore. Often people will tell you to just love and forgive, and you'll be angry that they didn't understand. Everyone gets through steps to get to acceptance, even if they forget how they did it.
There are friends who are honest. Be open to the advice that true friends give you, even if you decide not to take it. In the meantime, have the strength and control to get there without disrespecting yourself or those around you.
There is anger in this world. People who get lost or aren't feeling enough love, or those who don't think compassionately before they act... They will do the unthinkable. They may tease you at school. They may try to bully you, they may say they love you and then break your heart. They may be someone you don't know, and they hurt someone you don't know. They put bombs on sidewalks, use violence against people who lead different lifestyles, and kill for no good reason. It is not so much that you forgive those people so that they can be happy, but so that you can. And it's okay if it takes some or a lot of time for you to do it. It's also okay to feel sad about mistreatment of yourself, those you love, or those who are innocent and abused, but put your energy into those who do love you, not those who don't. Be aware of those who need love and are not receiving it, and give compassionately and freely as often as you can, but don't feel obligated to save the world, always.
If someone destroys your confidence, look to those who respect and love you and to yourself to build it. It's not easy. But it's what you do.
There is tragedy in this world. There are also those who take advantage. It is admirable to have compassion for strangers. Don't feel hindered by it. Don't feel alone in it. Seek out others who feel the same. Help if you can. Spend time thinking about it and talk about it if you need to. But don't ever let your sadness consume you, because it does no one any good. Despite the atrocities you will unfortunately witness, there is goodness in the world, and it's not impossible to see.
And remember, always, that I love you.
Mom,
(otherwise known as: Another Imperfect Human Being)
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